Sadness and Gladness

The past - it hits like a train. Beautiful moments, and then sad moments. Regrets and achievements. I loved hard. I failed hard. I fell hard. And now sadness that rises from within, too quick for me to stop. I almost forgot I had them. I didnt realize I could still shed tears. Had I lose my humanity along the way? The sadness I found makes me happy. The sadness I feel had remove my blind. Ironically it makes me feel alive. An unintentional find. A stumble for a new revelation. I hope this is not temporary. Had I forgotten how to be human? Buried feelings, repressed sorrow - only strength on the outer shell that builds up the current look. Ruthless overachiever and an unworthy perfectionist. Peering inside, I see the cold, numb, emotionless heart. More self reflection - I see rage, bitterness from years of rumination. I had loved hard in the past. Missing our happy moments, I am glad we had them. Our youthful innocence in those care free days of my life are one of the best moments in my life. I hope it is for you too. I dont want to lose myself in the regrets of the should-haves and the could-bes. Had I lose my humanity along the way? I yearn to love hard again. More moments of being sensitive rather than being cynical. This sadness feels rather familiar - one that previously make me a grounded,sensitive, and a more humble character. I need to hope more rather than cope. Find gladness in my sadness. Address the hollow in my sorrow. Being lonely, yet I know I am not alone. Appreciating the ones who loves me. - They are not the enemy. They are not the problem. Remove this blinds. Remove my binds. I used to be way nicer in person, I think. Had I lose my humanity along the way? I miss having long walks in the evening and night.